Here are some of my thoughts in regards to parenting and children.
Many of you may not know but one of my off jobs is officiating basketball. I’ve played basketball my whole life and this seemed like a great way to make some extra money while I can still participate in a game I really enjoy. There is a lot of nuance to basketball and being an official has been enlightening in regards to hearing coaches and fans complain about the game. A typical refain is that officials don’t call the game fairly. I always find this a very unusual accusation as if I really care about who wins or loses a high school basketball game. After reflecting on it some more lately I’ve come to the conclusion we have been told for so long that everything should be equal and fair and when anything seems to be offset we scream at the top of our lungs. THATS UNFAIR!
As many people will tell you, life isn’t fair. My job as an official is to keep things fair in regards to the rules of basketball but is it fair that my opponent is 6’5″ and I’m only 5’10”. Probably not. Life being unfair is a reality many of us deal with and something we intuitively know about life but we still struggle to try and make it equal and that struggle is a good thing but I think that struggle is part of what builds our character.
We have two different realities at battle as parents. One, we want to make things as fair and as equal as we can so that they have every opportunity to succeed. Two, we know that life is unfair and they will encounter this unfairness in life frequently. So our question as parents is how do we handle this juxtoposition?
Here is my advice to you as parents. It’s okay when things aren’t fair or equal. In fact, these are great opportunities for personal growth. We can teach our children how to grow, react, and build great character when faced with these obstacles. When your son or daughter is playing sports and it seems like the officiating is unfair, focus on how your child deals with this. Officials make mistakes, coaches make mistakes and your child will make mistakes. It’s how you grow from these situations that help build understanding, empathy with others and the ability to raise children who want to help those who have less or who are in an unfair position rise above the fray. In fact, I would say this. Stop trying to make life equal or fair for your child and instead try these things. Recognize when things are unfair and help them to constructively address those issues. One other suggestion I have is look at how you approach unfairness or inequality in your own life because your actions are much more likely teaching your child how to engage the inequities of life. If you tend to yell or pout or complain it’s likely that is what your child is learning to do. If you engage the world more constructively your child will learn that directly from you.
Hope that helps, take it or leave it or leave some comments and let me know what you think.